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I Heard it on MySpace
By Jessica P. Wallin

THE BEST OF THE WORST!
Angelo Diablo
Self-Titled

Okay, first of all, the band’s name is Angelo Diablo. Self-described as “bar music”, it’s the kind of gutter trash one expects to hear in a seedy, run-down joint where no one listens to the music, and the poor musicians get reamed with beer bottles, empty or otherwise. The women are hardly pulchritudinous, worn and weathered beyond their years, coping with whatever hard trailer park lives God or whomever has given them. Perhaps this sort of music speaks to people like that; Charles Neville’s gravelly voice, attempting wistfully to woo one such barfly with a song en Espanol, his attempts of wittiness with a name such as Angelo Diablo, as in, “I’m your angel devil, baby,“ or perhaps his songs with blatant, bad, bad, oh-so-BAD pickup lines, but unfortunately, it doesn’t captivate me.

To illustrate my point, here are the lyrics to Angelo Diablo’s single, “Ice Cream”. Keep in mind that I had to pause mid-type several times because I was cracking up.

“You sexy thing you got me bugging. You got a body that’s built for me.  You wear those jeans oh so tight. It’s a sin. I like coffee. Sweet chocolate. I like cookies and cream. Strawberry. Butterscotch. You know what I mean. Hey pretty baby you remind me of ice cream. You’re so smooth and you know you’re so damn sweet. You got me tripping away. Your flavor is the one I want to eat. I think licking your scoops would be a treat. My mouth will melt you like summer heat. I’ll have you dripping away. You make me feel like a dogie. (Note: What’s a ’dogie’?! ) I want to creep up from behind you. I’ll give you a sniff, sniff, lick. It’s a sin. All the times I pass you by I fall into a dream. I’m just another shy boy with a fantasy. If you could read my mind right now you’d see that I’ve got plans for you and me. Ice cream. Hey baby you know I need a taste, so push those scoops right on my face. Hey baby I’ll take you to that place. I’ll be licking away.”

Need I say more?! Neville’s “let’s cut to the chase and shag” attitude meshed with his horrendous “too many Jack Daniels/Marlboro cocktails” voice are just too much for me. It’s past laugh-worthy; it’s gag-worthy! Sorry, Angel Devil, this is one girl you’re not going home with tonight. Guess you’ll have to sniff, sniff, lick someone else’s scoops.

http://www.myspace.com/angelodiablo1

Article By Jessica P. Wallin

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